


Breathless

by DetectiveBiggs98



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Infinite Death Loop, Subaru Suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 04:08:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30083238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DetectiveBiggs98/pseuds/DetectiveBiggs98
Summary: Wherein Satella fails to keep the Witch of Envy in check and Subaru pays the price
Comments: 3
Kudos: 43





	Breathless

**Author's Note:**

> TW: drowning

Again.

Subaru couldn’t remember how this started. His consciousness resurfaced from the haze of death only to begin the process of dying all over again. Water reached down his throat and clawed its way into his lungs. He coughed but he couldn’t dislodge it, and the attempt forced out what little air he’d had left.

He choked. His lungs spasmed and tried to draw in air only to fill themselves to the brim with more water. They were going to burst! Lungs aching and burning and spasming, he reached for the surface far overhead, for the peacefully churning waves, but he couldn’t reach. It was too far away.

Too weak to swim, the water dragged him to the bottom. His vision tunneled black. His vision was engulfed by black. His body stopped fighting. Everything faded away.

Again.

No matter how many times he tried to battle through his disorientation and reach the surface, it was always too late. Every time he returned his body was already drowning. He could still feel the phantom pain from his last loop, he never had enough time to recalibrate before the process restarted and the pain became real. Not this time, nor the time after that, or the time after that or the time after that or the time after that or after thatorafterthator _afterthatorafterthatorafter_ **_thatoraFTER—_ **

Water forced its way between his clenched teeth and entered through his nose. He choked. His nose burned, his throat burned, his lungs burned, everything burned and he couldn’t breathe, he needed to breathe, he—

Again.

He came around already choking. The water-filled him from the tips of his toes to the roots of his hair. He was obsessed with the thought of air. It was all he could think about, all he could feel, all he could remember. Air was his priority, it was everything he loved and everything he’d taken for granted.

He needed to breathe! He wanted to breathe! He had to breathe! What he got instead was another mouthful of murky water that tasted of fish and burned like salt in an open wound.

He breathed in water. His vision tunneled. His lungs gave out.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

A gentle hand caressed his cheek and somehow, it burned worse than the water inside his lungs. “I love you.”

He didn’t love her. He wanted to say this. He couldn’t. If he tried to talk, the water would enter through his mouth and fill his lungs. His ears would ring and thrum from the pressure, his head would ache from the strain.

Again.

Again.

“I love you.”

Again.

Again.

“I love you.”

Again.

Again.

Wait, hadn’t he already...? Right. He _had._ He’d yelled _that_ at her in a bout of rage and now—

“I love you.”

_I hate you._

Again.

How many times?

Again.

How many more?

Again.

If only.

Again.

If only he could truly feel that way.

Subaru opened his eyes to an endless abyss of blue. Not again! He was drowning drowning drowning drowning—

He held his breath. His body and his mind felt separate and he smacked into something hard. If it hurt, he couldn’t feel it over the phantom pain all over, in fact, he felt like he was drowning. No, he knew that he was drowning!!

“—baru!?”

The sound of water could almost be mistaken for voices, and as if to punish his ears for deceiving him, he dug his nails into the sides of his throat.

“Please stop, I suppose!”

He was drowning!!

“You’re hurting yourself!”

No!! He didn’t want to die again!!

“Cap’n!”

The hands were back but instead of caressing him, they pinned him down. Subaru refused to breathe even when his body was jostled against the bottom of the river. He knew better, knew doing so would only hasten his suffering.

A small hand filled his vision and with it, came a glow that flooded him with drowsiness. Before he could finish one thought and start the next, Subaru was asleep. Subaru was drowning.

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually inspired by a post I saw on Reddit. I gave up on trying to link it, if you wanna see the post just type “reddit re zero this would be incredibly dark” into google and its the second option that pops up, the one that says [Media]
> 
> Also what’s up guys! I’m still alive! Somehow!! Ugghhhh you’d think quarantine would give me more free time but I’m actually more busy now than ever!


End file.
